Tag Archives: leave

My thoughts on relationships…and how to keep one


To my loyal readers… I have missed you!  Sorry that I have been gone for so long… I have been through quite a few things over the past year.  Some good… some bad… some sad but turned into better.  I logged into my blog for the first time last  night in, I guess a year… and found that I still had readers… I’ve had a few thousand hits… wow!   So I decided to get back to blogging.  Thanks for reading.  :)

One thing this brown eyed girl has learned… is that you are never too old to learn anything.  AND just when you think you have it all figured out… uh oh.  That’s a sure sign you don’t!!   Don’t take ANYTHING for granted.  Especially your relationships.  Calm skies can turn into nightmarish tornadoes with no warning.  At least… no warnings that you really pay attention to.  I learned this the hard way.  And no, I am not talking about real tornadoes… although we sure have had enough of those!!   Speaking of… I want to convey my sincerest sympathies to those who have been affected by the deadly tornadoes lately.  My heart just goes out to you all.  :'(

Today it’s on my mind to talk a little about… relationships.  Of all sorts.  There is one deadly ingredient, that will choke any relationship quicker than anything.  That thing is… control.  It’s a nasty, 7-letter word, that is as sneaky as hell.  It hides in all kinds of disguises… love… concern… religion.  Those are the main three where it likes to rear its ugly head.  It slowly chokes you, and those around you… and by the time you wake up to see the damage… the storm has ripped through and you are left wondering what just happened.  Many times, those who are doing the controlling don’t even recognize it, because they have been slowly and silently controlled all their lives too.  It’s a vicious cycle.  It takes a major upheaval sometimes to give a wake up call.

So what do we do?  First of all… just STOP.  Stop trying to be God.  In effect, that’s what we do.  We think that if we don’t run things (which usually involves running PEOPLE, we just don’t look at it that deeply yet) who will?  SOMEBODY that knows what they’re doing has to tell all the good people what to do.  What to think.  What to believe.  When they’re right or wrong.  And as a devoutly religious person, I was really good at it.  I thought I was doing what was good for the people I love and only until much later did I realize I was doing just the opposite… turning them away.  My world crashed around me.  And I realized I had to do some soul searching on my own self.  I was so busy “condemning sin” and making sure everybody around me lived the right way… I didn’t even see it myself.  When I look back on things in the past in my relationships… I shudder.  I must have been so horrible to be around and I didn’t even know it.  And that led me to question some other things in my own belief system, and do some spring cleaning on my heart.  I needed to make some long overdue changes in my own life.

Control is something that we have no business messing with.  We want to control something?  We want to control someone?  Let’s focus on controlling ourselves!  And leave it there.  If we can keep our own self control then we’ll be doing great.  But controlling others… even subtle manipulations for “all the right reasons” … has to become a thing of the past.  And if you think about it.. it’s so stressful, worrying what everyone else is doing!  Just let it go.  You cannot imagine the feeling of freedom it brings, to not have to be in control of everything.  Let people police themselves.  If you’re worried about the state of their soul… well, you know what?  It’s their soul.  Not yours.  Let them deal with it in their own way… and you just worry about you.  That is a full time job… I know first hand.  My plate is full enough just dealing with my own life.

Today I am a new person.  I am a free spirit.  No one tells me what to believe, or do, or think… and I don’t tell anyone else.  I don’t follow the leader blindly… today, I am my own leader.   I follow no one… I lead no one.  But you are more than welcome to walk beside me.  I found out that the greatest gift you can give anyone is the gift of acceptance.  Everyone wants to know they are loved and accepted just as they are.  No matter what they watch… or do in their private time… or the words they speak… we all just want to be accepted and loved for who we are.  And if those closest to us can’t accept that… can’t accept us for who we are… then we have to make changes.  Hopefully if someone truly loves you, they will have their own awakening… do their own soul searching… and meet you where you are… but if that loved one is unable to accept the truth of who you are, of what you need for acceptance… then that needs to be addressed, and decisions need to be made.   But this must be discussed… don’t make the mistake of just thinking that person would not listen to you.  If they love you… they will listen.  Give them a chance to rise to the occasion before you make the choice to leave… and then take it from there.   I was fortunate, in that the one I love was able to talk with me, and we made some needed changes in acceptance and understanding, for both of us. After taking a long hard look at how I had made others feel… I understood their viewpoint… and I realized they needed a heartfelt apology from me too, not just them.  Yes they had made mistakes, but I had to acknowledge that so had I!  And how would I have felt in their shoes?  These are tough questions we have to ask ourselves, and they are not easy to look at, especially when we feel the answers present themselves to our heart.

I will never make the same  mistake again of thinking I have to control… on any level… what someone else does.  And I have to say that since we have come to that understanding.. we have both felt more liberated, at ease… and our relationship is the best it has ever been, in 13 years.  I will say, this is my marital relationship.  It’s like we are dating all over again… only better than it ever was.  The change has been unbelievable!  And I am grateful that we had that opportunity. I would recommend it to anyone.  A little love and acceptance goes a long way.  When there is love and acceptance, there is no longer room for control.  

There is a song by Meredith Brooks called “It Don’t Get Better” and the song asks this question:  “Do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right?”

You know what?  Heck with control…

I want to be happy.

And so… these are my deep thoughts this morning.

Have a great day!!  :)

Hugs to all of you…



Happy Saturday everybody :)


Hi all & Happy Saturday.

I don’t have any real updates today about the H1N1 slash swine flu sitch.  Things seem pretty much the same.  I have *heard* that the WHO is considering a level 6… I hope not because a Level 6 pandemic means some other problems too that come with that… other than that, though, things are about where they were.  Mild cases are continuing to pop up… Mexico says the deaths seem to be levelling off, that’s a good thing… and you may have heard or read my post about the actual number of *confirmed* cases of Mexican deaths from the swine flu being much different than the numbers we were originally given.  If not, my post is below where you can read it.  To quickly get a summary of swine flu posts, go to the “Categories” section on the right and click on Current Events: Swine Flu Updates… it will take you to a page where all the SF items are neatly arranged in order for you to read.

I’ve mentioned a couple different sides of the story – I really don’t know what to think.  So far no deaths have occurred outside Mexico, except for the toddler who *came* from Mexico into the US and who was already sick.  It came out he had underlying health problems even before this  happened.  I am so sorry for the Mexican people dealing with this, my heart goes out to them. I am grateful that so far no other deaths have occurred, that we know of.  For updates, please see my below posts on links to the RSOE site, also don’t forget that you can contact the local public health dept for your state.

For our part, I have just been making sure my family has lots of Vitamin C (I am a firm believer in that) and of course continuing to practice good cleanliness.

We have gotten the RAIN the past few days!!!  It rained so much last night and today, I thought for sure I was going to see Noah go sailing by and waving, with a giraffe sticking his head out of a little ark window! hahaha  :P  Seriously, it didn’t just rain, it POURED and STORMED and thundered and lightning.  Which, I kinda like the storms a little bit, I love the sound of the rain and some thunder. I know, that’s probably weird.  But I don’t like seeing small rivers on the road and at the foot of my steps! :P

OH… for those of you like me, practicing a GF (gluten free) diet… found something out that I want to pass along.  The GF thing is still new to me so I definitely appreciate any little tidbit I can get.  I found out that gluten takes its own sweet time leaving the body – could be as much as 6 to 9 months. If you’ve already been gluten free for a little while and then you get “glutened” it can take about 3 weeks (my goodness!!!) to leave your body.   This was interesting to me because I think I got glutened last weekend at a Thai restaurant.  The food was great, don’t get me wrong, but hubby is a photographer and he was doing some pictures for their advertising.  They kindly served us the food that they made for the shoot.

Of course, I was very wary of whatever I might/might not be able to eat, but they were so nice and I didn’t want to hurt their feelings.  So, I settled on something that I thought (hoped) would be okay, it was made with rice noodles and the broth was just heavenly.  LOL a little too heavenly.  I had mentioned to them I had a wheat allergy (gluten intolerant) and they seemed to think I just didn’t want to eat their food… that made me feel bad… I didn’t want them to feel that way.  So anyway… I had a rice noodle soup… but I noticed their soy sauce has GUESS WHAT wheat in it (Kikkoman’s) and I think there must have been some (probably definitely) in the soup.  I felt *terrible* later on.  I have been feeling so great lately that I could tell right away something was wrong. Amazing how when you get healthier, and start feeling good… you recognize immediately when things are not right.

The next morning, my skin was bloated, and my poor puffy eyes… I had the same old headaches like I used to get which lasted a couple days… I still don’t feel 100% yet, but I am better.  Next time, even at the risk of hurting someone’s feelings (which I try hard not to do)… but I will not eat something that my instinct tells me to stay away from.  And if you are gluten free, or a celiac, I offer the same advice to you.

People don’t truly understand when you tell them.  I tried to tell my husband and he kind of “pooh-poohed” it saying it was “all in my head” (OH I hate when he does that! haha) but he just didn’t understand, he’s never dealt with anything like that.  I’ve tried to share what I’ve learned with him and for the most part he has been supportive in helping me find GF foods, which I appreciate, but sometimes he acts like it’s just me.  And that is really hurtful.  Anybody GF out there run into the same thing with their family members? :rolls eyes: haha

Well, here’s hoping it will be a great Saturday for all of you… stay well, take lots of Vita C, and try not to worry about all this flu too much.  There’s not really much we can do, except use wisdom and caution. Blessings and light to each of you :)