Tag Archives: happy

My thoughts on relationships…and how to keep one

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To my loyal readers… I have missed you!  Sorry that I have been gone for so long… I have been through quite a few things over the past year.  Some good… some bad… some sad but turned into better.  I logged into my blog for the first time last  night in, I guess a year… and found that I still had readers… I’ve had a few thousand hits… wow!   So I decided to get back to blogging.  Thanks for reading.  :)

One thing this brown eyed girl has learned… is that you are never too old to learn anything.  AND just when you think you have it all figured out… uh oh.  That’s a sure sign you don’t!!   Don’t take ANYTHING for granted.  Especially your relationships.  Calm skies can turn into nightmarish tornadoes with no warning.  At least… no warnings that you really pay attention to.  I learned this the hard way.  And no, I am not talking about real tornadoes… although we sure have had enough of those!!   Speaking of… I want to convey my sincerest sympathies to those who have been affected by the deadly tornadoes lately.  My heart just goes out to you all.  :'(

Today it’s on my mind to talk a little about… relationships.  Of all sorts.  There is one deadly ingredient, that will choke any relationship quicker than anything.  That thing is… control.  It’s a nasty, 7-letter word, that is as sneaky as hell.  It hides in all kinds of disguises… love… concern… religion.  Those are the main three where it likes to rear its ugly head.  It slowly chokes you, and those around you… and by the time you wake up to see the damage… the storm has ripped through and you are left wondering what just happened.  Many times, those who are doing the controlling don’t even recognize it, because they have been slowly and silently controlled all their lives too.  It’s a vicious cycle.  It takes a major upheaval sometimes to give a wake up call.

So what do we do?  First of all… just STOP.  Stop trying to be God.  In effect, that’s what we do.  We think that if we don’t run things (which usually involves running PEOPLE, we just don’t look at it that deeply yet) who will?  SOMEBODY that knows what they’re doing has to tell all the good people what to do.  What to think.  What to believe.  When they’re right or wrong.  And as a devoutly religious person, I was really good at it.  I thought I was doing what was good for the people I love and only until much later did I realize I was doing just the opposite… turning them away.  My world crashed around me.  And I realized I had to do some soul searching on my own self.  I was so busy “condemning sin” and making sure everybody around me lived the right way… I didn’t even see it myself.  When I look back on things in the past in my relationships… I shudder.  I must have been so horrible to be around and I didn’t even know it.  And that led me to question some other things in my own belief system, and do some spring cleaning on my heart.  I needed to make some long overdue changes in my own life.

Control is something that we have no business messing with.  We want to control something?  We want to control someone?  Let’s focus on controlling ourselves!  And leave it there.  If we can keep our own self control then we’ll be doing great.  But controlling others… even subtle manipulations for “all the right reasons” … has to become a thing of the past.  And if you think about it.. it’s so stressful, worrying what everyone else is doing!  Just let it go.  You cannot imagine the feeling of freedom it brings, to not have to be in control of everything.  Let people police themselves.  If you’re worried about the state of their soul… well, you know what?  It’s their soul.  Not yours.  Let them deal with it in their own way… and you just worry about you.  That is a full time job… I know first hand.  My plate is full enough just dealing with my own life.

Today I am a new person.  I am a free spirit.  No one tells me what to believe, or do, or think… and I don’t tell anyone else.  I don’t follow the leader blindly… today, I am my own leader.   I follow no one… I lead no one.  But you are more than welcome to walk beside me.  I found out that the greatest gift you can give anyone is the gift of acceptance.  Everyone wants to know they are loved and accepted just as they are.  No matter what they watch… or do in their private time… or the words they speak… we all just want to be accepted and loved for who we are.  And if those closest to us can’t accept that… can’t accept us for who we are… then we have to make changes.  Hopefully if someone truly loves you, they will have their own awakening… do their own soul searching… and meet you where you are… but if that loved one is unable to accept the truth of who you are, of what you need for acceptance… then that needs to be addressed, and decisions need to be made.   But this must be discussed… don’t make the mistake of just thinking that person would not listen to you.  If they love you… they will listen.  Give them a chance to rise to the occasion before you make the choice to leave… and then take it from there.   I was fortunate, in that the one I love was able to talk with me, and we made some needed changes in acceptance and understanding, for both of us. After taking a long hard look at how I had made others feel… I understood their viewpoint… and I realized they needed a heartfelt apology from me too, not just them.  Yes they had made mistakes, but I had to acknowledge that so had I!  And how would I have felt in their shoes?  These are tough questions we have to ask ourselves, and they are not easy to look at, especially when we feel the answers present themselves to our heart.

I will never make the same  mistake again of thinking I have to control… on any level… what someone else does.  And I have to say that since we have come to that understanding.. we have both felt more liberated, at ease… and our relationship is the best it has ever been, in 13 years.  I will say, this is my marital relationship.  It’s like we are dating all over again… only better than it ever was.  The change has been unbelievable!  And I am grateful that we had that opportunity. I would recommend it to anyone.  A little love and acceptance goes a long way.  When there is love and acceptance, there is no longer room for control.  

There is a song by Meredith Brooks called “It Don’t Get Better” and the song asks this question:  “Do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right?”

You know what?  Heck with control…

I want to be happy.

And so… these are my deep thoughts this morning.

Have a great day!!  :)

Hugs to all of you…

Amy


Brown Eyed Girls Gotta Blog! :D

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206208_402553983137972_2018772436_n   Click here for my streaming playlist – listen while you read!

    or  just “Pop Out” my below player.  Great music from the 60’s through today! :)

      (right-click and open in new tab or window.)

Standalone player

HEY and welcome to this little blog of mine!  Ok, this is your last chance.  Are you *sure* you want to venture on in? hehee  Just kidding.  It’s safe.  Mostly. *rubs hands together with glee* LOL!!  :)  There is ALL KINDS of stuff in here… from recipes to poetry, fun stuff to animal activism… whatever I’m in the mood to post, pretty much! 

So… that was your last chance.  Now you’re hooked ;)  you HAVE to look around. :D

 ALSO… I love to write poetry… if that’s an interest of yours,  please feel free to give my poetry a read. I have a lot :) and also a few e-books that I have written, on Scribd, which you can access at this link: http://www.scribd.com/AmyMeridethSwanson   The first one is a collection of my various poetry… about love, loss, life, and all the in-between.  The name of it is “Soul Expressions… Poetry for Thought.” The artwork on the cover is an original design, done by me.  The second one, and the one closest to my heart, is “Reflections of Nature… A Selection of Peaceful Poetry for Tranquil Moments” and it’s chock full of haiku, tanka, choka and free verse poetry.

OK… let’s get started!!  I hope you enjoy my blog!  Grab a cup of coffee (__)D or tea… or milk… whatever your choice… and come on in!!  :)

*hugs*

Amy

In Honor of Moms

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For all you moms who feel like life is passing you by… you wake up one morning and say “Gosh… am I __ (fill in the year) already?  What have I got to show for my life?”  … the following poem is for you.  I lost my mom earlier this year, I wish so much that I could tell her one more time how much I love her… how much I appreciated all she did for me, taught me, blessed me with.  But I have to trust that somehow she knows already.  This is the first Mother’s Day without her… I miss her so much.  I too am a mom… and I would not trade this wonderful, humbling, joyous task for anything.  Not for all the money in the world, not for all the wisdom in the universe.  My child is a gift that God has entrusted to me… a little soul… a precious life… that somehow, God felt, I was capable of caring for, nurturing, growing, and loving.  I do not take that position lightly.  It is my service to her, and my heavenly Father… it is my mission.  And… I am grateful for it.  For her.  My little 9 year old girl that turned my world upside down and topsy turvy in the most wonderful and happy ways. :)  Her smile lights up my soul like the sun itself.

For those of you who are moms…  for those of you that are blessed and fortunate enough to still have your moms with you… don’t waste a moment.  Hug your kids… tell them how much they brighten your day, your life.  They need to hear that.

Tell your mom how much she has given you… thank her for all the times she didn’t let you do what you wanted. ;)  Even if you had, or have, a rocky relationship with her… you’re alive, and she is the reason for that.  Thank her, and even if you have to be the first to initiate it… make amends.  Live each day to the fullest and happiest that you can.

I did not write the following poem.  It is written by Roy Lessin, a very gifted and talented, Godly writer.  I hope that it blesses you, and please share it with the ladies in your life this Mother’s Day…and every day.

God bless… have a wonderful Mother’s day.  Love, Amy

~.~.~.~.~.~.

A woman once fretted over the usefulness of her life.

She feared she was wasting her potential being a devoted wife and

mother. She wondered if the time and energy she invested

in her husband and children would make a difference.


At times, she got discouraged because so much of what she did


seemed to go unnoticed and unappreciated.



“Is it worth it?” she often wondered.


“Is there something better that I could be doing with my time?”



It was during one of these moments of questioning that she heard

the still small voice of her heavenly Father speak to her heart.


“You are a wife and mother because

that is what I have called you to be.


Much of what you do is hidden from the public eye.

But I notice.


Most of what you give is done without remuneration.

But I am your reward.


Your husband cannot be the man

I have called him to be without your support.

Your influence upon him is greater than you think

and more powerful than you will ever know.

I bless him through your service and honor him through your love.


Your children are precious to Me.

Even more precious than they are to you.

I have entrusted them to your care to raise them for Me.

What you invest in them is an offering to Me.


You may never be in the public spotlight.

But your obedience shines as a bright light before Me.


Continue On.

Remember you are My servant.


Do all to please Me.”

by Roy Lessin

Beautiful Day!

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I love those kinds of days – don’t you?  As I sit here, listening to my beloved 80’s music… windows wide open so that AWESOME spring breeze can blow right in… yummy cup of home-made cappucino in my favorite coffee cup and thinking of planting my sunflowers later… I just can’t help but think what a gift it is… a real, precious gift… this gift of life we’ve been given.


Gorgeous Day! Pic taken by me

Gorgeous Day! Pic taken by me

Sure… sometimes, life throws a real kicker our way.  There’s no denying that!  But Jesus spoke some words in the bible that come to my mind during those dark moments, and I have had my share.  “This too shall pass.”  He didn’t mean it necessarily in the same context… but it is an answer that helps me and maybe will help you too, if you’re going through one of those dark times… if the storm clouds in life are getting in the way of the sunlight you are desperately looking for.  Never make a permanent or lasting decision… of any sort… based on a temporary situation.  Because this too shall pass.  Sometimes you just have to grit your teeth… turn on your favorite song loud enough to drown out the noise around you… and wait it out. Much like waiting for the flu to leave.  It seems like it takes forever… but one day… it leaves.  After all the achey, yucky, bad feelings, medicines, and high fevers… when you least expect it… suddenly, you start to feel normal again…  one morning you wake up… and you just feel like the fog has finally lifted.  You don’t know exactly when, and couldn’t say the time of day or night it happened… you just know that it did.

And then… life is even sweeter than it ever seemed before.  Because… in spite of the hardship…  sadness… tears…. the sun still shines.  The flowers still bloom.  That cute little squirrel still scampers across your electric lines.  Life still happens.

And therein, is the beauty.  The gift.  :)


You’ll have to forgive me for waxing a bit philosophical today – but hey, I’m a poet!  It’s just what we do. ;) hehe


Here’s hoping you have a beautiful and sunshiney day!  Let the wind blow and breathe in deeply… savor every moment.

Cherish the ordinary days – because those are the truly extraordinary days.  *smile*