To my loyal readers… I have missed you! Sorry that I have been gone for so long… I have been through quite a few things over the past year. Some good… some bad… some sad but turned into better. I logged into my blog for the first time last night in, I guess a year… and found that I still had readers… I’ve had a few thousand hits… wow! So I decided to get back to blogging. Thanks for reading. :)
One thing this brown eyed girl has learned… is that you are never too old to learn anything. AND just when you think you have it all figured out… uh oh. That’s a sure sign you don’t!! Don’t take ANYTHING for granted. Especially your relationships. Calm skies can turn into nightmarish tornadoes with no warning. At least… no warnings that you really pay attention to. I learned this the hard way. And no, I am not talking about real tornadoes… although we sure have had enough of those!! Speaking of… I want to convey my sincerest sympathies to those who have been affected by the deadly tornadoes lately. My heart just goes out to you all. :'(
Today it’s on my mind to talk a little about… relationships. Of all sorts. There is one deadly ingredient, that will choke any relationship quicker than anything. That thing is… control. It’s a nasty, 7-letter word, that is as sneaky as hell. It hides in all kinds of disguises… love… concern… religion. Those are the main three where it likes to rear its ugly head. It slowly chokes you, and those around you… and by the time you wake up to see the damage… the storm has ripped through and you are left wondering what just happened. Many times, those who are doing the controlling don’t even recognize it, because they have been slowly and silently controlled all their lives too. It’s a vicious cycle. It takes a major upheaval sometimes to give a wake up call.
So what do we do? First of all… just STOP. Stop trying to be God. In effect, that’s what we do. We think that if we don’t run things (which usually involves running PEOPLE, we just don’t look at it that deeply yet) who will? SOMEBODY that knows what they’re doing has to tell all the good people what to do. What to think. What to believe. When they’re right or wrong. And as a devoutly religious person, I was really good at it. I thought I was doing what was good for the people I love and only until much later did I realize I was doing just the opposite… turning them away. My world crashed around me. And I realized I had to do some soul searching on my own self. I was so busy “condemning sin” and making sure everybody around me lived the right way… I didn’t even see it myself. When I look back on things in the past in my relationships… I shudder. I must have been so horrible to be around and I didn’t even know it. And that led me to question some other things in my own belief system, and do some spring cleaning on my heart. I needed to make some long overdue changes in my own life.
Control is something that we have no business messing with. We want to control something? We want to control someone? Let’s focus on controlling ourselves! And leave it there. If we can keep our own self control then we’ll be doing great. But controlling others… even subtle manipulations for “all the right reasons” … has to become a thing of the past. And if you think about it.. it’s so stressful, worrying what everyone else is doing! Just let it go. You cannot imagine the feeling of freedom it brings, to not have to be in control of everything. Let people police themselves. If you’re worried about the state of their soul… well, you know what? It’s their soul. Not yours. Let them deal with it in their own way… and you just worry about you. That is a full time job… I know first hand. My plate is full enough just dealing with my own life.
Today I am a new person. I am a free spirit. No one tells me what to believe, or do, or think… and I don’t tell anyone else. I don’t follow the leader blindly… today, I am my own leader. I follow no one… I lead no one. But you are more than welcome to walk beside me. I found out that the greatest gift you can give anyone is the gift of acceptance. Everyone wants to know they are loved and accepted just as they are. No matter what they watch… or do in their private time… or the words they speak… we all just want to be accepted and loved for who we are. And if those closest to us can’t accept that… can’t accept us for who we are… then we have to make changes. Hopefully if someone truly loves you, they will have their own awakening… do their own soul searching… and meet you where you are… but if that loved one is unable to accept the truth of who you are, of what you need for acceptance… then that needs to be addressed, and decisions need to be made. But this must be discussed… don’t make the mistake of just thinking that person would not listen to you. If they love you… they will listen. Give them a chance to rise to the occasion before you make the choice to leave… and then take it from there. I was fortunate, in that the one I love was able to talk with me, and we made some needed changes in acceptance and understanding, for both of us. After taking a long hard look at how I had made others feel… I understood their viewpoint… and I realized they needed a heartfelt apology from me too, not just them. Yes they had made mistakes, but I had to acknowledge that so had I! And how would I have felt in their shoes? These are tough questions we have to ask ourselves, and they are not easy to look at, especially when we feel the answers present themselves to our heart.
I will never make the same mistake again of thinking I have to control… on any level… what someone else does. And I have to say that since we have come to that understanding.. we have both felt more liberated, at ease… and our relationship is the best it has ever been, in 13 years. I will say, this is my marital relationship. It’s like we are dating all over again… only better than it ever was. The change has been unbelievable! And I am grateful that we had that opportunity. I would recommend it to anyone. A little love and acceptance goes a long way. When there is love and acceptance, there is no longer room for control.
There is a song by Meredith Brooks called “It Don’t Get Better” and the song asks this question: “Do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right?”
You know what? Heck with control…
I want to be happy.
And so… these are my deep thoughts this morning.
Have a great day!! :)
Hugs to all of you…